I'm going to jail i love you
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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