I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize