i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
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Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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