I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
