Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
