just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
