I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
