he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
