Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
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This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
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I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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