Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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