please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
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Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
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Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I want a musical about memes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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