moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
