ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
