when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
