i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
