Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize