So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
