When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
