my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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