ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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