I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
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Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
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But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed