We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dating After Heartbreak
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me