help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.