i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted