He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in