the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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