The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize