Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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