My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Send help, water and tortillas.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
His nipple licking is glorious
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