when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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