I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
