Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you didnt know i had herpes?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
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the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
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But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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