I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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