I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm like, not good at living.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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