Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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