I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize