Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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