First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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