I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i came on her dog
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We are all done wearing pants today
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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