We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
