I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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