butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.