Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more