I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night