So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
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$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call