I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.