The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
