oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
