U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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