I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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