he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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