I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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