I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I would ride that face into the sunset
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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