i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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