trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
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Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
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Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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