you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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