never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
That accounts for only three of the penises
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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