I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
they need to just BURY HIM!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
